Subject: FW: Houseplants of Gor
From: [email-masked]
To: [email-masked]
Date: Wed, 28 Dec 94 08:19:51 -0800

<<This may not make a lot of sense if you're not familiar with the Gor 
novels by John Somebody [I've mercifully forgotten the wretch's name] 
<Norman -- ed.>, but trust me -- it's a dead-on parody!>>

<<forwards dripping>>
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                                HOUSEPLANTS OF GOR

The spider plant cringed as its owner brought forth the watering can.  
"I am a spider plant!" it cried indignantly.  "How dare you water me 
before my time!  Guards!" it called.  "Guards!"

Borin, its owner, placed the watering can on the table and looked at 
it.  "You will be watered," he said.

"You do not dare to water me!"  laughed the plant.

"You will be watered," said Borin.

"Do not water me!" wept the plant.

"You will be watered," said Borin.

I watched this exchange.  Truly, I believed the plant would be watered. 
It was plant, and on Gor it had no rights.  Perhaps on Earth, in its 
permissive society, which distorts the true roles of all beings, which 
forces both plant and waterer to go unhappy and constrained, which 
forbids the fulfillment of owner and houseplant, such might not happen. 
Perhaps there, it would not be watered.  But it was on Gor now, and 
would undoubtedly feel its true place, that of houseplant.  It was 
plant.  It would be watered at will.  Such is the way with plants.

Borin picked up the watering can, and muchly watered the plant.  The 
plant cried out.  "No, Master!  Do not water me!"  The master continued 
to water the plant.  "Please, Master," begged the plant, "do not water 
me!"  The master continued to water the plant.  It was plant.  It could 
be watered at will.

The plant sobbed muchly as Borin laid down the watering can.  It was 
not pleased.  Too, it was wet.  But this did not matter.  It was plant.

"You have been well watered," said Borin.

"Yes," said the plant, "I have been well watered."  Of course, it could 
be watered by its master at will.

"I have watered you well," said Borin.

"Yes, master," said the plant.  "You have watered your plant well.  I 
am plant, and as such I should be watered by my master."

The cactus plant next to the spider plant shuddered.  It attempted to 
cover its small form with its small arms and small needles.  "I am 
plant," it said wonderingly.  "I am of Earth, but for the first time, I 
feel myself truly plantlike.  On Earth, I was able to control my 
watering.  I often scorned those who would water me.  But they were 
weak, and did not see my scorn for what it was, the weak attempt of a 
small plant to protect itself.  Not one of the weak Earth waterers 
would dare to water a plant if it did not wish it.  But on Gor," it 
shuddered, "on Gor it is different.  Here, those who wish to water will 
water their plants as they wish.  But strangely, I feel myself most 
plantlike when I am at the mercy of a strong Gorean master, who may 
water me as he pleases."

"I will now water you," said Borin, the cactus's Gorean master.

The cactus did not resist being watered.  Perhaps it was realizing that 
such watering was its master's to control.  Too, perhaps it knew that 
this master was far superior to those of Earth, who would not water it 
if it did not wish to be watered.

The cactus's watering had been finished.  The spider plant looked at it.

"I have been well watered," it said.

"I, too, have been well watered," said the cactus.

"My master has watered me well," said the spider plant.

"My master, too, has watered me well," said the cactus.

"I am to be placed in a hanging basket on the porch," said the spider plant.

"I, too, am to be placed in a hanging basket on the porch," said the cactus.

"I wish you well," said the spider plant.

"I, too, wish you well," said the cactus.

"Tal," said the spider plant.

"Tal, too," said the cactus.

I did not think that the spider plant would object to being watered by 
its master again.  For it realized that it was plant, and that here, 
unlike on Earth, it was likely to be owned and watered by many masters.

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--
-*-                Ellerol Elvish * [email-masked]                    -*-
     Rizzo: I just fell down the chimney and landed on a flaming hot
            goose!
-*-  Gonzo:  Oh.  You get all the fun.   --The Muppet Christmas Carol   -*-